How Community Helps You Heal

In 2018, I left. I booked a one-way flight from Doha, Qatar to Madrid, Spain, under the premise that I would return a week later with a new visa. What my partner nor I at the time understood, was that I would never return. By the time I landed in Madrid, I felt a sense of ease that I hadn’t felt in ages.

A dear friend lent me his flat and he offered me, “stay as long as you need.”  Then that week passed and I still hadn’t planned to come back. I was still lining up coaching jobs in Qatar, connecting with gyms and boutique concepts that I truly adored, yet I was not ready to return. 

Another week passed.

I received a call from a former colleague in Tennessee, and he shared the news that a mutual friend, a dear colleague I had a profound love for, had passed away from an accidental Fentanyl overdose. And there I was, laying on my friend’s couch, sobbing, feeling more alone than ever. But I knew at that moment, that I simply could not return.

I knew that it was time to recognize the trauma that I’d endured for over a year and walk the path toward healing.

I stayed another week, mostly numb and staying inside, learning how to use a Moka and cook Spanish food, teaching English to my kids in China, and walking towards my friend’s mat and meditation cushion, but always too afraid to actually use it.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I know now that I couldn't practice because practicing would mean letting all the feelings wash over me. Not only grieving the loss of my friend, but also the loss of my relationship. I would later come to realize that I was running because my relationship had gone from toxic and tumultuous, to violent, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

This is the first time I’m publicly telling this story.

I’m sharing this story with you not because I ask for sympathy, but because I know it’s the communities who held me during my journey back home, that would later facilitate my healing in such a profound way. It took me maybe two months before I began to tell the real story, that he had hurt me, and before I started to reclaim my power back. It was the loving souls who held me in Madrid, London, New York, and in various cities around the south of the US who truly saved me.

Then it was Casai, the company that offered me purpose, value, power, and a place in the world, that then became my new home.

My motto is “yoga that brings you home” but what really brought me home, aside from the yoga, was the hearts of people that loved me, when I forgot how to love myself.

If you’re like me - you live out of a suitcase, you’re passionate about true connection, and you find Spirit in the ways that you move - then you might know a little bit about how home rarely looks exactly like you think it does. Sometimes, it looks like a nourishing catch-up with a friend. Sometimes, it looks like a good workout, with endorphins flooding your body. Sometimes, we find home in our seats as we board the plane to the next destination.

And that’s why I created my brand and my retreats. To utilize the practice combined with my background in hospitality and wellness to facilitate a sense of home and belonging. A sense of home that’s healing, inclusive, and ultimately empowering so you can feel strong and whole again - regardless of where you are in your path of healing.

In Buddhism, we have the term “Sangha” - it is one of the Three Jewels of Buddhism, meaning “community.”

The Three Jewels are:

  1. The Buddha - he who serves as a role model or inspiration

  2. The Dhamma - the teachings of the Buddha

  3. The Sangha - the community, usually referred to as the monastic community

In these three, Buddhist followers can find refuge. And for me, it was my Sangha that led me back to that place of refuge. 

My hope is that I can serve my community in the same way, to give back to the hurt and healing, by creating a safe and inclusive space, no matter the philosophy, trauma, gender, or experience.

Because it’s my community that helped me heal. 

Special thank you to my community for helping me heal:

  • Luis, for offering me your home, your mat, and your cushion in Madrid

  • Emily, for always being on the phone with me and helping me slowly start to see the ways I was stuck

  • Haley, Sam, & a few others who offered their homes to me

  • Jessica, Cameron, and Naomi, for always being the hearts that I continue to call home today

  • Nico and Gerry, for believing in me and teaching me about true masculine love

  • My mom, for loving me through all the times I didn’t leave and beyond the time I finally did